Trembling, she opened the small blue passport again. A photo stared back at her: a young woman, blonde, hair pulled back. But it wasn't her! And the pages in the back were not stiff with the visas that she had worked so hard to obtain over the summer!
Placing the passport back in her purse, she reached for her journal and read what she had written a mere while before:
"Friday, August 22, 2014: The time of departure draws nigh! I am sitting in the London International Airport, waiting to board my flight to Calgary. I have said my 'goodbyes' to Mom, Dad, Sarah, Arlen and Nathan. It is a strange feeling: this flight is so mundane and momentous all at the same time. In one aspect, I am merely flying 4 hours across the country to Alberta. I will be gone from home for 9 months, but I was last year, too.
On the other hand, I will be flying from Alberta to 15 different countries around the globe. This is the beginning of an adventure new and far-away... an adventure that will affect me forever."
She picked up her pen and continued: "Yep, life is truly an adventure. And I just received a new twist in the one I am on. Sometimes I am not sure where God will lead next or what He will do. It's definitely not always the way that I plan it! For one, I would have made sure that I had my passport with me instead of Sarah's."
... And so I began GlobeTREK a little under a year ago. Through some quick communication and express mailing, I left Canada with the correct passport a week or so later with the rest of the team. And what ensued did turn out to be a series of interesting adventures, including some that challenged my identity on more levels than one.
One part of my identity over the course of my travels was 'student.' This meant that I had to write papers, read books, and hand in reflections, cramming as many as possible into the hours spent in airports. I couldn't help agreeing with the bishop that we met in India, that our professor should not burden us in exotic lands with books that we could read in Canada! :) Yet I was also grateful for the assignments, books and essays that challenged me to interact meaningfully with the ideologies and cultures that I faced, to think through what I was experiencing. For one reflection paper, I had to answer the question: "How do you think a local would describe your appearance, actions, and attitudes?" This led me to consider how my identity, values, and culture interact. I'll let you in on some of my cogitations:
"How would a local perceive me? It depends on where I am as to whether they would think me rational, strange, or a dangerous foreigner on the loose! Following are some musings on how Russians would view me in a variety of contexts.
I fear that my conclusions on a Russian's perception of me are not entirely complimentary! Hopefully they will temper their judgments with grace because I am a foreigner. I know that they likely guess that much since I am travelling in a group of six people who don't speak Russian and all carry backpacks. So far I have seen many purses, but few backpacks.
Apart from the backpacks, my clothing is likely considered casual. While other Russians also wear jeans and a t-shirt like me, most women wear dressy tops with skirts and high-heels. I am reminded of my Russian friend in Canada, who could never 'dress down' either! I am not quite sure how they would interpret my casualness--maybe they think that I lack respect for myself and for others. Maybe they consider me poor. Most likely they just conclude that I am a weird Western tourist!
In the hostel, I am likely considered rude as well as a foreigner. In Guatemala, I grew accustomed to wearing shoes everywhere. So, being abroad in Russia with a not-too-clean hostel floor, I left my shoes on as I sat on my top bunk journalling with my feet dangling... then I realized that everyone else had left their shoes by the door. Apparently it is good manners to remove your shoes inside here.
Lastly, Russians may question my intelligence. I smile a lot--something Guatemalans always encouraged, telling me that I was too 'seria' (serious). Smiling is also a sign of friendliness and cheerfulness that is valued in North America. And, I am generally a fairly cheerful, smiley person. However, a Russian friend told me that Russians tend to reserve their smiles for family and friends. Someone who smiles too much is considered foolish, stupid.
I find it interesting how positive expressions of goodwill in one culture can be viewed as negative and undesirable in another. It brings me to consider what values I actually hold to when the way that I am used to manifesting them changes. In regards to smiling, do I value cheerfulness and friendliness, or do I value people's opinion of me and smile because I know that they value that value? Do I value it enough to learn acceptable expressions of it in this culture?"
As I think about this, I see how easy it can be easy to base my identity on the surrounding culture's values and expectations. However, I want my identity to be rooted deeper than that. I want to be "ME" no matter where I am, with a foundation that lies deeper than outward actions. I want to be secure and confident in who I am and what I value so that I can graciously adapt acceptable manifestations of my values without compromising who I am.
So... How will my values define who I am? What are my values? What does that look like in this summer and then final year at Prairie?
I have the right passport with me now, and the picture inside bears the usual (and often uncomplimentary) resemblance that these mug shots tend to have. It is me; yet it is not. And the 'me' of 2013, when that picture was taken, is not the same 'me' of 2015.
GlobeTREK is over, but the adventure of my developing identity in Christ continues. I wonder where it will lead me next!
Placing the passport back in her purse, she reached for her journal and read what she had written a mere while before:
"Friday, August 22, 2014: The time of departure draws nigh! I am sitting in the London International Airport, waiting to board my flight to Calgary. I have said my 'goodbyes' to Mom, Dad, Sarah, Arlen and Nathan. It is a strange feeling: this flight is so mundane and momentous all at the same time. In one aspect, I am merely flying 4 hours across the country to Alberta. I will be gone from home for 9 months, but I was last year, too.
On the other hand, I will be flying from Alberta to 15 different countries around the globe. This is the beginning of an adventure new and far-away... an adventure that will affect me forever."
She picked up her pen and continued: "Yep, life is truly an adventure. And I just received a new twist in the one I am on. Sometimes I am not sure where God will lead next or what He will do. It's definitely not always the way that I plan it! For one, I would have made sure that I had my passport with me instead of Sarah's."
... And so I began GlobeTREK a little under a year ago. Through some quick communication and express mailing, I left Canada with the correct passport a week or so later with the rest of the team. And what ensued did turn out to be a series of interesting adventures, including some that challenged my identity on more levels than one.
One part of my identity over the course of my travels was 'student.' This meant that I had to write papers, read books, and hand in reflections, cramming as many as possible into the hours spent in airports. I couldn't help agreeing with the bishop that we met in India, that our professor should not burden us in exotic lands with books that we could read in Canada! :) Yet I was also grateful for the assignments, books and essays that challenged me to interact meaningfully with the ideologies and cultures that I faced, to think through what I was experiencing. For one reflection paper, I had to answer the question: "How do you think a local would describe your appearance, actions, and attitudes?" This led me to consider how my identity, values, and culture interact. I'll let you in on some of my cogitations:
"How would a local perceive me? It depends on where I am as to whether they would think me rational, strange, or a dangerous foreigner on the loose! Following are some musings on how Russians would view me in a variety of contexts.
I fear that my conclusions on a Russian's perception of me are not entirely complimentary! Hopefully they will temper their judgments with grace because I am a foreigner. I know that they likely guess that much since I am travelling in a group of six people who don't speak Russian and all carry backpacks. So far I have seen many purses, but few backpacks.
Apart from the backpacks, my clothing is likely considered casual. While other Russians also wear jeans and a t-shirt like me, most women wear dressy tops with skirts and high-heels. I am reminded of my Russian friend in Canada, who could never 'dress down' either! I am not quite sure how they would interpret my casualness--maybe they think that I lack respect for myself and for others. Maybe they consider me poor. Most likely they just conclude that I am a weird Western tourist!
In the hostel, I am likely considered rude as well as a foreigner. In Guatemala, I grew accustomed to wearing shoes everywhere. So, being abroad in Russia with a not-too-clean hostel floor, I left my shoes on as I sat on my top bunk journalling with my feet dangling... then I realized that everyone else had left their shoes by the door. Apparently it is good manners to remove your shoes inside here.
Lastly, Russians may question my intelligence. I smile a lot--something Guatemalans always encouraged, telling me that I was too 'seria' (serious). Smiling is also a sign of friendliness and cheerfulness that is valued in North America. And, I am generally a fairly cheerful, smiley person. However, a Russian friend told me that Russians tend to reserve their smiles for family and friends. Someone who smiles too much is considered foolish, stupid.
I find it interesting how positive expressions of goodwill in one culture can be viewed as negative and undesirable in another. It brings me to consider what values I actually hold to when the way that I am used to manifesting them changes. In regards to smiling, do I value cheerfulness and friendliness, or do I value people's opinion of me and smile because I know that they value that value? Do I value it enough to learn acceptable expressions of it in this culture?"
As I think about this, I see how easy it can be easy to base my identity on the surrounding culture's values and expectations. However, I want my identity to be rooted deeper than that. I want to be "ME" no matter where I am, with a foundation that lies deeper than outward actions. I want to be secure and confident in who I am and what I value so that I can graciously adapt acceptable manifestations of my values without compromising who I am.
So... How will my values define who I am? What are my values? What does that look like in this summer and then final year at Prairie?
I have the right passport with me now, and the picture inside bears the usual (and often uncomplimentary) resemblance that these mug shots tend to have. It is me; yet it is not. And the 'me' of 2013, when that picture was taken, is not the same 'me' of 2015.
GlobeTREK is over, but the adventure of my developing identity in Christ continues. I wonder where it will lead me next!
